sUnsHiNe sMiLez ~nAtAliE~

the last phase of my ntu life..

2008-04-26T01:07:00.002+08:00

it's been a challenging three years..

three years of politics...

three years of stressful and demanding projects...

three years of painful planning of activities...

three years of arguments..

but aside the pain that we had to endure... we survived and we pulled through.. and was blessed with so many other beautiful things as we endured our way through..

three years of beautiful and long lasting friendships

three years of fun and laughter..

three years of hugs and being there for one another...

three years of mugging together late into the night..

most of all.. three years of unforgettable memories..

thank you to all who've made my life in ntu such a blessed and cherished one.. =)

2006-09-18T14:30:00.000+08:00

stepping back and looking at the big picture..

yes there are cock ups here and there.. but lets not get affected by the little nitty gritty things that might affect the vision and goals that you have set for yourself. there are many things to do. many goals to achieve. many ups and definitely many downs.

but looking at all these. what is the purpose? why did you get into the things you have gotten into? why are all these cock ups happening? why why why?

there is definitely a purpose in all the things that you do. and this could be a calling. to be strong and stay firm to what you believe in, and make you into a better person. learn from the mistakes made. and improve on it. all these cock ups are here to make you stronger to make you tougher in every sense of the word. politics was never sth that you wanted to get involved in. but think about it. it could be a stepping stone for you to achieve sth greater. it is to help you get tougher to face the real world. the world that is dark and nasty. not the fairy tale that you have lived in for the past 20 years of your life. that is a fantasy and a blessing.

things you do may benefit some and setback some. but whatever it is, it is for the greater good. people may support you and some may not. but be strong and keep your conscience clear. know what you are doing. and forecast its implications. weigh the costs and benefits. and do it. decisions made. mistakes made. consequences arise. live with it. dont be a coward. face up to it.

many things to achieve.

studies is that you need to excel in. you have failed your parents not too long ago. but this is your only chance to prove them wrong and prove to the whole family that you can live up to their expectations or be even better. you have got what it takes. pick yourself up and go. dont be 'idiotically' lazy. it is just an excuse. mind over matter that's what you have learnt. if you keep telling yourself that you are tired you will be tired and you WILL be a LOSER. so buck up, will you?

your position in this committee is to assist the committee to soar to greater heights. there have been many cock ups. and there will be many more to come. stay strong and even out these differences. you need to and you have to. you need to keep firm to the vision and what has been laid down by many past presidents. to come up with something new and refreshing is your goal. and to unite this jcrc as one. even out the cliques. unite them as one. that is YOUR job.

times may be difficult and tiring for you now. but it is just a phase. it will pass. you need to stay strong. keep firm. constantly pray for the people around you to be strong as well. push yourself beyond your limits. you will never know what you will achieve.

you can do it. i know you can. you DEFINITELY can.

attacking the problems with enthusiasm.

The Best is Yet to Be.

2006-09-14T16:52:00.000+08:00

missing AC...

just came back from AC.. after interviewing or rather having a chit chat session with my grand junior class. man.. they are one great bunch of people. and seeing them so cheerful and carefree brings back many memories..

seeing my grand juniors.. has rejuvenated me in many ways in a short period of time. the spirit and drive i saw in them were the same as mine when i was in AC and this spirit was in me when i left AC. and it has helped me to achieve beyond what i thought i could achieve. over [maybe] the course of the past 6 months.. this spirit has died down.. this drive slowly pushed from a gear 5 engine to a gear 3. many things have happened. and yes i am extremely tired.

i was super excited and nervous to see my grand juniors.. nervous was maybe.. due to the fact that i have been distancing myself from the ac community for such a long time.. distancing to avoid sth that hurt me so bad in the past. and i guess in a way i was afraid that i would not be able to clique with my juniors.. maybe not be myself.. or maybe.. was afraid to know the fact that maybe the natalie in AC may not be the same natalie as you see now.

why was i excited..? well.. though i have distanced myself away from ac for so long.. i dearly miss it. deep down inside.. i wished i had been more involved and to stay i touch with the school community. i miss the friends.. the culture.. the spirit.

walking into the gates of school.. i felt a gush of nostalgia. i remember how it was like to walk about feeling proud of the uniform i wore. to look forward to a new day in school with friends close to my heart that never failed to put a smile on my face.

walking into the classroom with my juniors noisy rattlings.. it brought back even more memories. i remembered joses and jianwei's funny comments and laughter that would fill the classroom. i remembered how the classroom would be usually filled with sweet smelling deodorant smell from the girls.. and yes.. mr. lynn's presence. wat would aa1 be without mr. lynn.

i walked in.. and actually treated them as if they were my classmates. and the surprising thing was my juniors were open and friendly about it. it just felt as if we immediately connected. and it felt as if they had known me before and that we have known each other for a really long time. their spontaneous response was encouraging and motivating. something i miss ALOT.. throughout my interview with them.. there was no sense of discomfort. no nervousness involved at all. it was as if it was a casual chit chat session getting their response to certain issues.

this visit to AC has energized me and restored me in a way. now i see where my passion to achieve and the drive to go beyond what is expected of me comes from. it is the culture that i have went through in AC. everything was team effort. we were confident and open to new friends. we were all driven to achieve. passionate about what we committed ourselves to do. and indeed 'our hearts, our hopes, our aims are [indeed] one'. this is the AC culture.

i am definitely feeling better and more motivated as well. remembering all these has helped me think back and see the person i was before. the happy and ambitious natalie. who was care-free and driven at the same time. i am charged and yes definitely feeling much better.

The Best is Yet to Be.

2006-09-01T16:47:00.000+08:00

wow.. its been ages since i last posted on this blog.. haha..

finally starting to have time to breathe and write again. well well.. many things happened throughout this past month that i have not posted.. you name it.. politics.. workload. blah blah. the list goes on.

was busy with my JCRC elections.just ended recently. haha. now i have been elected as the incoming president for my hall. it is one role that i do not take it lightly. leading the next comm is seriously going to test me on my perseverance, determination, maturity and ability to handle things under stress.. suddenly after being elected.. seems to me that everything i do is being monitored. being watched. suddenly i have become a "public figure" overnight. not that i mind. but it can get a little tiring. but i guess i can count on the support of my many good friends in hall. and also my best friends outside of hall.. thanks vin for talking to me. thanks to nathanel as well.. shivali.. and many others. thanks to andy.. christopher.. sally.. zinc.. for always being there to support me throughout this period. was glad that i had you guys to confide in.

will be super busy from now onwards.. haha. but it is a learning process.. will definitely strive to do my best. and i pray that i will become a better person out of this. =)

gonna post up photos.. haha.. fun times we had at hall dnd bash.. hehe. and fun time window shopping with ade and chris. =)

2006-07-28T15:45:00.000+08:00

me and brother joses! =)

the girls and the guy..

gonna miss you girl..

me and june!

my ac diet partner aimee and i..

the girls i can't live without. besties for life. =)

me and alibaba!

me and lichen!

smile!!!!

haha.. my entertaining sisters during tennis

finally a good shot!

me and da jie!

i see you guys are drawing the line..

me and the ever cheerful shivs!

looks like shivs super serious about shopping for her hostel room!

nat being the handy man

relaxing after walking for such a long time

camping and shopping!

the sisterhood!

me and shivs

having fun at JP

melf- geog club president, lich-chairperson, me-err.. councillor! and vin-geog rep

me and melf!

AC peepz @ Melf's party!

bestie vinitha! =)

me and lichen!! looking good girl! =)

Happy Birthday Melf! =)

2006-07-28T01:10:00.000+08:00

met up with nat and shiv for tennis today.. haha. great work out guys. and definitely.. seeing you guys made me feel much better and more comforted. dont worry too much k? i should be fine.. =) tennis was so so fun lah.. shiv hit the balls outside the net twice. haha. hilarious. =) home run man girl. we should do this more often!

met up with my ac classmates for halim's farewell party. =) was great to see all of you. miss you guys loads. haha. all those fun times we shared in the north lodges. memories that i will never forget. =) miss my darling baba sisters. haiz. great talking to you guys. haha. today's shopping session was seriously too fast and too furious. we need to go out one day and take it slow k? haha. and enjoy the art of shopping. you guys never fail to brighten up my day with your cheerful smiles. thanks loads. =)

and yes to my brother joses.. haha. great to have that serious talk with you man.. haha. great to find someone that has the same frequency as me with regards to certain issues. =) and yes thanks for flattering me about my drive and all. and more so making me feel so sooo happy by complimenting my dress sense. haha. first time sial. but seriously thanks. the talk was seriously reassuring and comforting. =) next time run at ntu must tell me lah. then go keep fit together. whahha.

haiz. i must say friends to me are super important. they are seriously my source of strength and pillar of support. i think i have said this many times. and i mean it from the bottom of my heart. and i am so blessed and thankful that the high almighty person up there has blessed me with so many good friends to support me. and meeting great people. really.. for friends i would do anything within my capacity to help them out. u dunno how grateful i am to have you guys.. the baba sisterhood.. da jie.. shiv.. laona zinc christine chris and ade.. and many many others....... its impossible to name all of you.. but thanks so much for always being there when i needed a listening ear and when i was at my darkest moments. thanks.

no words can fully measure and express how grateful i am to have you guys in my life. but really thanks. you guys rock on! =)

right now using mummys comp to write this entry. will upload the photos asap! hehe. alright.. super sleepy already.. signing off.

2006-07-26T22:51:00.000+08:00

just came back home..

its been such an eventful day. met up with yong kuan and mark.. well mark for a short while. good to see him though.. =) hehe. and yes i have been conveniently forgotten! haha.. had a good chat with yong kuan. =) good to meet up and talk about things.. =)

really IPhO has changed me quite a bit. it has made me a better person in many ways and it was my form of training ground for the presidency term.

has a surprise call from ed! haha. man.. am really happy to hear from you. seriously.. =) havent heard from you in the longest time. haha. how long has it been? a month? haha. but yeah. call me if ya feel like talking and stuff k? can meet up for meals too lah considering how near your camp is to my campus even though it takes 3 freaking buses to come over to my hall. but it was worth it right? haha.. good company and bundung! haha. ;)

been doing alot of reflecting and thinking. about what has just passed. the future. my goals. my vision for the JCRC. have been pretty occupied with my thoughts.

it has been pretty complicated for me. many things have happened. and i am slightly troubled. but everything under control. IPhO wonders it has done to a confused girl who wasnt sure of the direction she was headed to. suddenly a revelation. now being the changed person that i am, i will put my foot down and not let things screw up. i need my life back in order. to stand strong as a person so as to lead my fellow members and residents. thinking through i realise that being a president means to be the role model for the hall. i need to get things right and prioritize things now.

will be reflecting alot from now to the sch term. getting things in order. need to prioritize. yup. thanks ed for talking things through with me this evening. it was a relieve. really. thank you. =)

2006-07-23T18:53:00.000+08:00

last few photos before we leave guys..

the senior girls at club momo on sp night.

me and my darling ac junior fiona

raymond!! i cant see your face!! and yc nice smile!! =)

me and my fellow hall 12 brothers!

kelvin and teng cheok! hehe. thanks for the support and enthusiasm

endor! the champion team!

we're number one once again!!!

oh dear.. all zonked out..

one last pic before we leave the club guys..

oh wake up sleeping beauties..

sleeping princes.. tsk tsk.. all zonked out in the club. haha..

SP night here we come!!!

having supper...

say cheese!!!

ooohhh la la... hehe.

me and weilong!!!

seniors at glutton sq..

story telling sessions..

wishing the guys best of luck as they prepare for their 'tekan' session for SP night.

aiyoh.. look at that mischievious look on kelvin's face.. haha.. guess he is all ready for the tekan session!

oh.. dont look so sad.. it wont be that bad k?

listening attentively to the prep talk

psyching up our guys..

me buddies from garnet!! =)

all ready for our food trail!!!

buddies unite!

another mischievious look on kelvin's face.. tsk tsk..

me and my buddy weiming!

me and my photo buddy!

proud to be from ENDOR!

hap pa ki ah... ohhhhhh....

tsk tsk... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.............

adui.. looking barbaric..

trying to beautify edelina..

raymond and his fantastic team of make up artists and hair dressers.

kaijie looking busy..

kenji enjoying his breakfast!

all busy early in the morning..

ohh come on guys.. im sure there is enough to go around!! friendly ahh..

2006-07-23T15:33:00.000+08:00

me and evelyn

me and edelina

endor!!! pizza fest

me and my da chang jing couple

seniors photo!

2006-07-23T15:03:00.000+08:00

one last photo with my darling LLOs before i set off

a nepal observer and me!

yong kuan and me!

me and the youngest swiss leader!

his first successful attempt to using a pair of chop sticks.

me and chun keat

me and melissa

picture with the teachers!hehe..

sisterhood photo! where is nat?

me and ivan! =)

table picture!

me and kevin.. looking handsome there eh bro? =)

one of the best photos ive taken.. a picture of liping walking down the lonely street.

me and da jie.. haha..

looking good everyone!! and feeling stressed as i stand next to the beautiful lin li

me and cyclope look alike shu quan. haha..

taking a pic with the absolute champion.. though he doesnt look too happy does he.. whaha..

the indonesian delegate liping and myself.. man feeling like a super huge light bulb. haha.

Last few pics with ruijie everyone!!!

2006-07-23T14:06:00.000+08:00

okie ivan seems more awake now.. whaha..

bring it on! the raffles, ac and hwa chong battle!

wake up ivan!! its your bday!! haha.

celebrating ivan's birthday and ruijie's farewell..

entertaining ourselves at JP

seems like that have had a long night. zzzzz.........

the gossip buddies at nus high!

me and liping! nus high sch

classic nat's pose.. =)

looking pretty.. =)

me and da jie.. lazing around and enjoying the cool breeze by the beach

watching the sunset. how romantic isn't it.

dinner at sentosa

aa1 rocks on!!! me and my 'daughter' jayne.. =)

me and my buddies.. =)

me and my long lost secondary school council mate and buddy emily!! gotta keep in touch k girl! =) [oh dear.. look at the plates.. explains the size. whahah]

resting in the toilet.. haha.

jas mark and me!

oh so merry.. cheers everyone!

the LLO team

me and my OP partner in crime. ;)

this is super scandalous whats boss doing with ruijie?!

the girls...

me and da jie!

the guys..

me and ivan! haha..

looking beautiful together.. shi hui me and liping.. whahah. ;)

me and becky ( dinner with nobel laureates)

ruijie and weeming working hard at OP's hospitality desk. or is it...? hhaa.

watching soccer in room 329 at orchard parade.. kenny cheering his ac team. haha.

playing around at kampong glam with our indonesian delegates. our fav childhood 'toy'

the bus ics with one of the nigerian delegates. one that i talked to for almost 2 hours in the wee hours in the morning with ruijie whilst waiting for her room.

shivali gleaming.. haha..

having our own little fun at the discussion.. =) kevin, ivan with their cheeky looks.

me and me boss mark!

the LLO team (Opening Ceremony)

me and shi hui getting ready to sleep.. one last photo before we call it a day!! =)

me and my sisters.. and yes that includes my da jie nat!! hehe.

Unforgettable Memories

2006-07-23T13:03:00.000+08:00

Unforgettable memories. 3 weeks have just passed. it seemed to have flashed across with a blink of an eye. prior to these 3 weeks, i was dreading it. as i knew i would not be able to get proper rest.

but now.. as i look back at the photos. im flushed with happy memories. through the IPHO and NBS camps.. i have forged and made many fantastic friends. it's through these difficult and somewhat tiring and stressful period that you see who your true friends really are.. these are the people that never fail to look out for me and to support me in whatever decisions that i have made. i was skeptical about making good and long lasting friends through the ipho event.

on the contrary... i have made really good friends that i really do not want to lose. people that i will treasure and remember for many years to come. These include

IPHO
my darling LLOs [ivan, nat, shiv, liping, shi hui, 'kenny kenny', kevin] you guys have been great.. always cheering me up during my darkest period and making my ipho experience a super memorable one. i will definitely not forget the jokes we shared in the hotel rooms. watching the soccer finals (though i slept super early that night, it was comforting to know that we were mingling around and having fun. i seriously tried to stay awake man.. haha.. ) you guys never fail to make me smile =) i salute to you guys.

also special thanks to ruijie. thanks for being my pillar of support throughout the ipho period. when i was away you helped to managed things back in the hotel and stuff. really, without you i think i would have turned like 10years older or sth. always comforting to to hear you say " everything is okie here. no worries." thanks so so much.

to the main comm.. thanks for giving me this opportunity to have the honour to work with all of you. it was great to know you guys. though we didnt see or mingle around together much through the ipho period due to our different commitment. it was great to know you guys and honoured to have been able to work with you guys.

NBS
to my NBS seniors.. a big THANK YOU for your support and presence throughout our camp. you guys are great! you guys have never failed to cheer us up regardless how tired we were! playing games with us. sharing jokes. i mean i really salute you guys to sustain your passion for this group you guys will definitely be my role model.

to my darling GARNET people.. though we didnt spend much time together throughout our school term i believe that there is still sth special that all of us share and cannot forget. and that it the spirit that we fought for and the friendship that we have made through our own freshie camp. i hope that this camp has helped us to recollect the memories that we have shared together and treasure them and meet up more k! garnet rocks and will always rock! =) best OG of 2005.

to my darling ENDOR juniors. you guys are our pride and joy. thanks for being so garang and enthu from the start of the camp. this made our job so so so much easier. you guys have helped us seniors to remember again wat we have shared. at least you guys have helped me to remember that. and i thank you for it. thanks to kenji for always crapping with me.. to hong jing for buying me that milo and making my time at the club super fun! to edelina for being my photo buddy! haha.. have loads of photos. will pass to you guys soon. make sure you guys keep us seniors informed if you have any outings k! endor--> best OG 2006!

okie. here are some photos to share with you guys.. hehe.. these are just a few of my favourites. hehe.. and to introduce to you the people that made my 3 weeks so memorable!

2006-06-19T13:40:00.000+08:00

the busy period is starting to set in.

have been given tasks for ipho. really excited for the event! getting this organized and reading through the plans again and again. at least i am starting to be more familiar with the event. as much as ruimin and mark tease me about me starting to regret coming in to ipho, i honestly have never regretted one bit of it. it is so fun! haha. how can i regret getting into sth that is so fun. yeah it may be time consuming. but it is an experience that i wont forget. and being able to plan part of it, however little it is, has given me a tinge of accomplishment. or at least i am safely say i did what and what. and helped whom and whom.. haha.

hall foc. really feel bad for missing 2 days of the trial camp. hope my team mates understand man. =) anyway, hall foc. important for my 'publicity' of my campaigning. and looking for potentials in the committee. i have to talk things through with my VP.

nbs foc. well, i havent seen anything material from it. like what to expect and stuff. honestly feeling shaky for the group. not sure. being last year's best foc. it places alot of pressure on the group this yr to be the best OG once again. but i feel that the "team" including the SAs and GLs should be united and bonded to make it happen. we have to do sth. need to mention this to the cheif gl soon.

basically my life is pretty packed with things lined up. setting my priorities right. slowly step by step getting things in order.

now the question to decide. marketing or banking and finance? most of my friends went into banking. and i got streamed into marketing. is that the right choice? i am comfortable taking it up. but i dont wanna make the wrong choice. if i go to banking, i am just afraid that i will lose out to the people who have more time to study. but if i go into marketing. i know i can do well in it. what should i do? deadline on wed. and i am still deciding. need to decide quick and fast. and stick by my decision.

2006-06-14T17:25:00.000+08:00

new school term resolution: studies first. everything else is secondary.

though i improved dramatically this sem from the last, my overall GPA still sucks. 0.2 points away to a second class LOWERS. arghh.. i have been slacking too much. whatever time i have i will dedicate it to my studies. this is scaring me.

what have i been doing this holidays? nothing. okie. maybe there was ipho, nbs foc stuff.. but that didnt take up most of my time. what have i been doing? really.. well.. i spent too much time going out i think. doodling around at home. doing NOTHING. i am just so pissed at myself. wasted so much time. i wasted so much of my studying time this special sem. and i know nuts about astro..

this is seriously a wake up call. i need to balance my time. i took for granted that i had alot of time. but i didn't.. i have 4 more semesters to buck up. play hard and study hard too. miss those stc days. where mr. leslie would push me to study. and i did well in the areas of academic and extra cirriculum.

need to get everything organized. my room is so messy. need to move into the new room soon. wont have much time later. have got no time to move which all the camps coming up.

i have to be disciplined. i have to and i ought to. haiz. some of you might know this fact about natalie seah hui huan. she's a perfectionist. and she is one person that wants everything to go on well. it used to. and slowly life seems messed up. ever since some part of jc.. played too much. now its time to buck up. get back to reality. and be that hui huan again. play hard and study smart and hard. what ever free time i must make sure i have completed some work before going out. otherwise no more going out for me.

i have to be the disciplinarian. the Mr. Leslie in my life.

2006-06-10T01:38:00.000+08:00

yesterday had my second big ipho committee meeting.. slowly adapting to the programme and understanding how everything works. i am so motivated to plan stuff now! haha.. ruimin just told me to plan the night activities.. okie.. have so many things i wanna go.. haha.. shall leave them in suspense first. whaha..

ahh.. suddenly feel so excited for all my camps.. hehe. gonna make the night activities super duper exciting man.. =)

started to study le.. but at a very slow pace.. and i doubt anything is getting into my head.. haha. adui.. supposed to meet ade chris and ed for breakfast. haha.. ed woke me up. but rather futile.. not sure if they went ahead with the plan. haha. anyway.. meeting them at tea party later.haha.. and i am going to watch tranzamerica. hahaha. looks like a good show man.

okie. i have got to remember to study. haha. study study study!!

2006-06-09T04:05:00.000+08:00

its 4am in the morning.. just got back home.

met up with laona and zinc for a supposedly tea party session but it was closing early.. bleah. so decided to head down to nydc at HV. ahha.. met my buddy calvin from HWZ roadshow there. he seems to be a workaholic man.. working non stop. but good on ya. will defintely be successful man.

spoke about JCRC to laona and zinc. and mentioned to them about me running for JCRC prez. haha.. they were cool with it.. and even wanna join the committee.. haha.. looks like the committee will be super fun if they were in it! haha.. do think hard about it k? =) if i do get presidency.. will need all the talents i can get and support as well. ;)

as i drove back alone on the empty expressway.. i started to think about stuff. what i wanted to do in life. what unforeseen circumstances that will befold.. friends.. him..

have i really spent too much time with my friends? well, without friends.. i really dunno what i would do. they have always been my pillar of support whenever i am down besides my parents. with no siblings.. all my friends are regarded as my bros and sisters. people that i treasure and love. it is not hui without friends.

he went out with his buddies tonight. and i am happy that he did. at least he can vent his anger. frustration. and gain emotional support from his friends. i am sure i am the official b***h in his clique now. but if it helps him to feel better to bitch about me. i am happy. he even has a secret admirer writing on his blog now. hahah.. what a start. ;)

we kinda ended off with a rough conversation today.. about spending time. i dunno. i just feel that i am not treating him unfairly. haiz.. but i dunno..

well lets not dwell into that.. started to think about how to earn an income also. like tuition or sth.. just enjoy the feeling of having to have a source of income and working hard for it. and not just live off my parents. feel so indebted to them. parents have been giving me alot of freedom lately. letting me drive all alone. allowing me to stay out late. but i shan't take too much advantage of it. don't wanna destroy that trust.

planning things and starting to get busy again. exams coming next thurs. can't wait for it to be over. camps camps camps. love it when i am busy. at least i know i wont be doing nothing. feeling accomplished.

okie i think i am tired. will turn in now.

2006-06-07T09:40:00.000+08:00

well well.. oh dear.. my test is this thurs.. and i haven't exactly finished studying.. arghh.. haha..

yesterdae went shopping with my dad to check out the bose system over at plaza. haha.. man.. the service there is so personalized! they gave us this private room to view the system and test the system. after that dad and i did some shopping. i finally bought my pouch. you know the ones for camp? haha.. i wanted to buy a deuter one.. but then they didnt have any. but i bought this er.. okie i forgot what brand. haha.. but okie lah.. reasonable price. $21.. hmm.. might wanna go JP to check out the price for the deuter. might indulge in buying another one.. whahaha. okie. i shall control myself.

helped dad to fix our new plasma tv last night too.. haha.. now we have a brand new tv to indulge in. but everything on that tv seems stretched.. haha.. like julia roberts ass suddenly became so big because of the tv. oh dear.. ahaha.. dad told me to reorientate my room after my exams.. haha.. then we can figure where to put the old tv into my room.

i also think i am falling sick. woke up with a very bad sore throat today. man.. when he woke me up.. i couldnt talk. too painful to utter a word. adui.. gotta take care.. can't afford to be sick now.

here are some photos.. haha. finally decided to upload the photos .. hehe..

sunny!! ade!!! me!!! (nydc-suntec)

jcrc outing at the entertainment centre skating ring

IPHO

was initially a little skeptical to join ipho, but now.. i am like regretting that i didnt join earlier. haha.. =) great bunch to be with.. =) okok.. me gonna mug now.. haha..

signing off

2006-06-05T15:49:00.000+08:00

so proud of myself.. haha.. woke up pretty early todae. ahha.. but what have i been doing okok. clearing my emails. organizing my stuff.. esp dates. and i realise that in july i have 3 whole weeks back to back worth of camp. adui.. gonna be so shagged. but but but.. i think i can lose weight from it man.. hehe..

right now.. trying to straighten my life out. getting my room organized. my time to be organized. slowly.. gaining back my life again.. at least its a start. and doing so many things at one shot motivates me. hehe. love what i am doing right now. meeting new people. great people from ipho. at least it helps me to stop thinking about certain stuff..

ah well.. my astro exam is on thurs! goodness.. thats like so near.. and i know nuts about astro. gotta start study man.. tried to... but dont think im doing it hard enough.. haha.. busy busy busy..

2006-06-03T00:47:00.000+08:00

just got back home from work.. oh man. my back is aching my feet sore.. and my eyes teary..

went out with colin after work todae.. it was a really enjoyable night... something that i had missed.. we spent some time looking around the pc show at suntec and later went to the basement to find something to eat.. was super hungry.. cause i didnt have lunch.. standing up the whole day has made me very sian.. when i saw him.. everything just brightened up. he waited for me to knock off work... haiz.. miss those days.. being around him.. just made me feel so lifted for some reason.

we had a good solid talk about where we were heading when we went to sky garden. he even gave me a really good foot massage! everything just felt like normal. like how we used to be when we were a couple. haiz.. i felt so awkward saying that he was my friend. and he did too.. but after talking to him.. i have realised how much i meant to him. during the relationship.. yeah we had our good and bad times... but during the relationship.. i dunno.. i didnt feel as loved as i feel right now.. looking back at the past.. when we were still together.. i just felt that i was just an individual being there.. comforting him when needed.. and i was more than happy to give him this sense of love and comfort.. for i saw a fture with him.. i gave it my all at the beginning. haiz.. but after awhile.. i just felt that i loved him more than he loved me.. he was never a very expressive person. he would usually show it.. occasionally.. haiz... and then.. my dad came into the picture that aggravated the situation... haiz.. i just had to let go.. i just felt that he was stron enough to have a life without me.. but it turns out that i was wrong. he was so torn.. you could see it through his eyes. the pain screaming out of his broken heart.. but his will to let go was based on the premise that he loved me so. it tore me to see him like that.. this triggered me to realise how much we both mean to each other.. cause i started tearing seeing him like that.. that just proves that i still feel alot for him. as much as i may seem to be cheerful and happy on the outside.. but deep down inside.. it hurts badly. real bad. this ache doesnt seem to go away..

he sent me home tonight.. i do not know when he will ever see me home again. maybe soon. maybe in a long time. maybe never. we had a small talk before he left.. and this time.. i told him partially how i felt. cause he will probably not know.. how much it still hurts as i try to act strong in front of others. esp. him. trying to message weirdly.. trying to sound normal like how i would to my other friends. it hurts. my heart just feels like screaming... i am still crying as i am typing.. and i dunno when i will ever stop. cause he told me that it always meant alot to him whenever i hugged him. but before i could he took off. i sat by the curb watching him leave. crying my eyes out. then he turned back and messaged.. go in else i wont leave and miss my bus.. as i pretended to go back in.. waited for a while.. and looked back.. there he was.. just taking off again.. leaving round the bend in the shirt that i bought for him in tioman... i thought i could be strong.. but i overestimated myself..

i am so sorry for hurting you so bad. i just wanna be fair to you.. as much as i will hurt to see you with another girl. she would be able to give you sth more than i probably can.. dont be afraid to open your heart to another girl jus because of a mistake i made. i have been very selfish in this matter. and i am sorry for it. if avoiding would make ya feel better just let me know. but i pray with all my heart that we will be friends. words cannot express clearly what i am exactly feeling now. torn. anger. disappointment. relief (that he could talk to me still).nostalgic. i dunno i really dunno.. my mind is so messed up right now. oh darn.. myeyes are damn swollen and puffy. still got ipho meeting at acjc tmr. man... hope i wont look like a monster. haiz...

2006-05-28T15:20:00.000+08:00

hmm.. alot of things have happened throughout this week.. it started off with me feeling accomplished.. to feeling angry.. to feelng sad.. and to feeling a need to get back my life and to emotionally straighten things out..

okie.. so let's start off one by one.. well.. good news! i am now a qualified driver. haha. have been driving around for the past week. haha. went out with with colin for supper when i first started off.. and then i drove andy and christine for a shopping trip man! haha.. been practically driving everyday.. haha.. feeling more confident about driving.. =) definitely comfortable. haha. damn glad that my mum thinks that im a steady driver.. but i think andy would say otherwise. whaha.. always looking (well at least sometimes) paranoid when i stop at a traffic light or going through a hump. haha. but yeah.. he has been my navigator for the past week.. haha.. improved.. but still BAD! haha.. we nearly got lost when we were on our way to marina sq! haha. christine was like the "neutralizer" in the car.. haha.. a stressed out driver with a paranoid co driver. haha.. what a combination..

well.. another thingy that happened this week.. well. i broke up with colin.. haiz.. it was a really tensed situation.. but i really had to let it go. i couldnt go on lying to my dad.. lying to colin. and more so.. i couldnt go on staying in between trying to act as if nothing happened (being the person in between).. for most of you that know me well.. i can't lie for nuts. it shows when i do. hah. oh well.. too transparent for my own good.. at first it was very rough for both colin and i.. but now. we're friends.. and i am really thankful that we can still be friends. really. haiz.( colin.. thanks for making things easy for me to handle. know that you are hurting very much inside.. but will always be here if you need help to manage those feelings.. really thanks) just wanna thank my friends in hall for making things not awkward for the both of us too.. =) and for all your support and concern.

have been thinking about things. and so much has happened. suddenly i have an urge to get things back on track. to control my own life again. and to focus on my goals.. right now.. my life is still so uncertain.. i just feel that it isnt fair to drag anyone on board to travel this rough road and in the process hurt that person along the way.. gonna pull myself together..

gonna get my results soon. preparing for the worst. haha.

2006-05-15T17:53:00.000+08:00

haha.. went driving in the circuit today.. rusty rusty rusty.. well, at first only lah.. turned out okie after awhile.. haha.. so many 'obstacles' today man.. had a lady popping out of no where. AGAIN. and had this car parked a breast the double white line.. blah blah.. at least i know how to handle them now.. haha. arghh. so irritating..

my test is next mon.. gotta pass it man.. just gotta pass it.. ya know why? coz i'll get the car for the whole week. parents will be up in KL.. and i will be home alone!! haha.. mum alreay gave me permission to use her car.. ONLY and IF i pass.. oh God help me.. haha..

paully wolly good to hear from you again last night. hehe. okie.. meet up on fri with charm k? =) charm will be late. haha.. so just me and ya first.. gonna go for NBS FOC trial camp soon.. hahaha.. =) man.. a little tired.. not sure if i'm hyped up enough to go.. but oh well. just for the night.. and tmr is going to be another long long day.. meeting up with the great eastern peepz at night together with the jcrc. =)

thanks for the reminder to lose weight andy.. haha.. keep pushing me man! haha. and yes we have to head down to the gym together.. haha.. get christine along too! she wanna keep fit too! haha.. =) alright. me gotta pack my camp stuff now.. haha.. -tired-

ahh!! can't wait for sat!! haha.. playing badminton with chris, ade and jas! whaha.. can't wait ..can't wait ..can't wait ..can't wait... ahaa..

2006-05-14T21:05:00.000+08:00

today's mother's day..

haha.. and man was it crowded at american club or what. =) there was free flow of champagne and strawberries.. haha.. followed up wth some really delicious boutique chocolates. and silly nat has once again drank champagne on an empty stomach.. haha.. was a little tipsy.. but was okie.. and yes i was composed. was not doing any stupid dance or anything. haha..

anyway.. =) after lunch went shopping with my parents. went to ck tang.. man.. so many things to buy! arghh.. haha.. can't wait to get my new room.. so that i can decide what to do with it.. haha.. hopefully i can get the room of my choice.

watching oprah primetime on starworld now.. and today's topic is about women's sexuality and identity. like how young girls like to imitate pop stars and you know.. people like paris hilton.. jessica simpson.. blah blah.. they interviewed pink man.. and she is so cool!! =) she said this "stupid= wasting your oppotunities to become who you are" i thought the statement was powerful. like to be true to your heart.. and true to yourself. true to what ya believe in. think many times.. we try to conform to what people expect us to be.. hmm.. yeah i think ya know what i'm talking about. =)

so gonna buy pink's new cd man. hehe. =)

2006-05-13T16:13:00.000+08:00

wow! so much to update!! hehe.. haven't had the time to blog at all. =)

alright... just started astro class.. haha.. the teacher is like super funny lah.. quite enjoyable listening to him in class. the cracks the lamest jokes ever man! anyway, astro=physics.. learning all the physics law.. newton's law.. =S haha.. starting to learn formulas too.. oh dear.. haha.. after not seeing or touching any science topics for so long.. haha.i am super rusty.. bleah..

we also celebrated Zinc's bdae on tuesdae! haha.. it was all the way at changi chalet.. hahha.. the journey there was super long.. stayed over at the chalet with zinc and laona.. haha.. played mahjong the whole night.. and watch 'the quest' haha.. well.. the movie was okie.. but not wat i expected though.. ahha.. there was alot of you know.. erm.. "exposure" of the human body.. and yeah.. haha.. and about this guy's quest to find a girl to you know... alright.. haha.. shall leave out the details.. haha.. oh.. mahjong was so fun!! haha.. beginner's luck i tell you.. won this time around.. but laona was the biggest winner.. haha.. =)

oh yeah! went to wala wala with andy and colin on wed night.. haha.. after having dinner at my fav XO Fish Slice noodles store at holland drive area.. haha.. man! damn nice! =) it was andy's first time trying it.. haha.. it was colin's first tme to wala wala.. the band was super good.. 'timmy' is the band's name if i ain't wrong.. haha.. they play at timbre's on fridays and wala wala on wed! do check them out k! they are super good! met bradley at wala wala as well.. haha.. =)

okie.. so moving on to thursdae!! haha.. met up with my 'sisters' haha.. had a sleep over over at my place.. it was really fun..!! hehe.. went to NBS bash together.. and went together with vin and sun's friend, michelle. hehe.. she's really sociable and fun to be with man! hehe.. should have taken more photos! =) anyway.. the music over at momo was okie.. haha.. a little disappointing at the end.. all this trance.. bleah.. expected it to be more r&b instead.. haha.. but it's the company that matters righto? ;) went to adam's for a light supper before going back.. had the famous mutton soup and roti john.. and our dearest ali was so tired that she was practically sleep drinking talking and walking when we got back home.. hahha.. so funny.. let's go play badminton or tennis next k? =) haha.. here are some shots taken from our sleep over.. hehe.

haha.. and on fridae.. slept the whole day man.. was super shagged.. haha. and the weather was so conducive for sleeping. haha.. =) ah well.. sleep is an asset... always remember that.. haha.. that's what the exams taught me. =)

mother's day is coming up... man havent really decided what to do. alright!! until next time! hehe..

2006-05-08T23:09:00.000+08:00

went out with the garnet foc committee todae.. haha.. it's my first meeting with them after replacing evelyn.. hah.. really excited to fulfill this role! had dinner at ding tai feng. =) and celebrated kok yew's birthdae! ru ying baked this really nice cake.. tastes abit like cheese cake.. ;) oh well! haha.. we're gonna have our trial camp next week.. oh.. busy busy..

had dinner the other day with ade chris ed jas and toshi.. hahha.. ade's mum made really delicious pork chop.. ade made baked potatoes.. jas made tiramisu.. chris brought in 5 tubs of ben and jerry's.. and i made fruit salad.. haha.. there was obviously alot to eat.. haha.. =) but i had a really fun time watching les choristes and playing card games!! haha.. ed got me hooked to dai di.. and goldfish man.. ahaha.. do teach me bridge the next time round we meet k? =) yeah man..

alrighty.. here are some snap sots we took at ding tai feng.. haha.. astro class tmr at 930am.. oh.. wish me luck.. haha..

2006-05-07T00:40:00.000+08:00

went over to check out my malaysia apartment today with my parents.. well, according to the tenant, some things were faulty.. so went as a family to check it out.. and i was impressed with the development.. it was really well maintained.. it's still the pleasant,cosy place i last saw 5years ago.. honestly, i expected it to be really run down.. haha..

anyway!! thats not the impt point.. haha.. my day has been quite eventful.. haha.. mostly with the causeway checkpoints actually. when we went there.. the whole place was swarmed with cars.. so as usual.. we queued up behind and all.. and when we came to the malaysian check point, my dad 'fortunately' chose a lane that was so so 'fast'.. hahah.. my whole family estimated that maybe 20-30cars passed us and we were still parked at the same spot!! we were not even crawling.. haha.. dad got irritated.. but he didnt change lanes.. then.. when we were second in line to the counter, we waited there for like a century i tell you.. he took half an hour to check the passports of the car infront of us.. God knows how long he took for the rest of the cars .. it's no wonder why the queue didn't move... and then...

my whole family started scrutinizing the guy.. initially i thought, optimistically, like maybe the guy was cute.. that's why everyone didnt want to move.. on the contrary.. sigh.. he wasnt handsome.. and he was really big.. haha.. dad was so irritated.. so after we moved off.. he was like bitching non stop. and that was the first time ive seen my dad bitch.. haha.. he must have been so so irritated.. haha..

okie. so that's part one.. now for part two.. when we were on our way back home.. haha.. we got retained at the malaysian check point.. for what? cause they accused my dad of not paying his income taxes in malaysia.. but wth.. we have been staying in spore for like 14years!!! and we dont work in spore.. it was ridiculous.. and the sum was not small.. if i am not wrong.. RM19 k worth of money is involved here.. adui.. and they said we couldnt go back to spore.. i was like.. HUH? felt like a prisoner in my own country.. haha.. then the guy allowed us to bribe him to let us go back.. -_-" yeah.. and yes i am back home.. in SPORE.. haha..

what a day i tell you.. watching the elections.. haha.. find it exciting.. and i am honestly amazed at how strong the opposition party is... but after listening to their speeches, i realize how important impression is through your physical appearance, your voice, the way you speak.. hmm.. the power of words.. *wonders*

2006-05-05T16:41:00.000+08:00

wah!!! i just realised how close my driving test date is! haha..

just went for my first driving lesson after my exams! haha.. oh goodness gracious.. i was so rusty! R-U-S-T-Y! rusty! haha. can still drive lah.. and for those of you who's wondering if i stalled my engine.. the answer is NO!! hahah.. i aint that bad k.. haha.. havent driven for such a long time (1 1/2 months) haha. come on cut me some slack.. ;)

okie.. well well.. just watched mission impossible 3 with colin yesterdae.. it was great! haha.. the story line is twisted man.. haha.. well, at least i found it exciting.. go catch it if ya have the time.. good show!

bought this really funky clock as well.. it changes colour every 2 seconds.. heheh.. damn funky lah! share with ya what it looks like ..

cool right..?? hahha.. loving it man.. =) alrighty.. i am gonna rush off to prepare stuff for the gathering later before ade kills me for being late.. whaha.. okok.. later!

2006-05-04T01:05:00.000+08:00

met up with my 2 dearest brothers today! though it was a short meeting (cause all of us were rushing back to watch american idol) it was still enjoyable. =) saw andrew in action making our drinks over at coffee bean.. =) haha.. somehow the drinks seem to taste better don't you agree mervyn? haha..

caught up alot with mervyn.. but have yet to catch up with andrew man.. meet up when you're not busy working k? =) it was great meeting you both.. and mervyn.. im holding on to your promise to teach me squash yeah? whaha.. i'll pray that you will have patience with me when you do teach me.. whaha.. and drew.. it was really great talking to ya again.. after so so long.. stay charming the both of you.. =)

here are some photos of what we did today.. haha.. actually mostly fooling around with the camera taking photos of the handsome guy at the counter.. whaha.. i wonder who that is.. ;)

here are the photos taken with some of my closest gal pals from ac on labour day.. hehe..

2006-05-03T12:54:00.000+08:00

haha.. have been spending some quality family time of late.. hehe..i've been shopping and cooking with dad.. and have been pretty busy learning the game of mahjong from the pros.. (aka. my mother and my granny) haha.. so so fun!! =) and i aint that bad.. whaha.. won a few games all by myself.. starting to get the hang of it. =) feels good to bond with the family..

oh! just an update.. haha.. i've replaced my friend to take up the role of one of the 3 gls (orientation group leader) for the nbs foc camp. haha.. well well.. looks lke its going to be a busy holiday for me again. haha.. weiming and eugene and i are ogls.. ru ying is the cgl.. haha.. cool people to work with man.. GARNET rocks! =) gonna make our juniors the best og yet again righto? ;)

alrighty.. so so so.. if ya ever need any tickets to our nbs bash this coming 11th may.. do approach me k. =)

met up with some of my classmates on mondae.. haha. ali sun vin christabel.. christine. went bowling.. and played stuff over at ali's place.. hehe.. yup! had a great time man.. =) gonna have another round of fun next week righto!! this time movie marathon.. and maybe badminton? hehe.. =) come on.. i wanna see whether christabel can whack man.. hehe.

hmmm.. are there anymore updates? can't think of any for now.. signing off.

2006-05-02T14:56:00.000+08:00

wanna' dance and let hair down down in one of the hottest and most exciting clubs in town? yup.. it's club MoMo...!! haha..

NBS invites you to join us in one of the most highlighted events of the year.. it is a bash not worth missing!! =) bring your friends along with you!! doesn't matter if you're not in NBS.. just come and join in the fun!! enjoy the good music.. great company and the list goes on!!

the details of the event are as follow:

Venue: Club MoMo
Time: after 10pm
Ticket Price: $15

do message me if you are interested!! if ya don't have my number.. just tag me on my tag board k? =) thanks man!!

2006-04-30T15:25:00.000+08:00

tea with friends.....

haha... had fun man.. =) went SHOPPING!!! hehe.. bought myself a white skirt.. whahah.. was looking at shorts half the time.. and obviously chris and ade were like attempting to deviate my attention away from shorts.. whaha.. met ed later that day.. haha.. good to meet you man.. =) and can't wait for fridae!! whaha.. ade please inform me what to cook k? more photo taking.. ;)

2006-04-28T23:44:00.000+08:00

watched west side story with chris todae!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahah.. =) my new age sensitive mr nice bestie from ac!!! had dinner with ade as well!! =) good to see you guys.. whaha.. and chris.. you've gotta eat more man... haha.. ;)

the show was okie.. expected it to be better though. but then the songs and the humor was good man! hahah.. and the male lead was soooooooooooooooooooo good.. check him out man.. josh young.. whaha.. damn good.. =)

oh!! yes.. hahah.. went to the gym for the first time in ages.. =) haha.. man.. fitness level is at its lowest right now.. gotta buck up man.. just started on my diet programme.. hehe.. hopefulle can lose alot of weight man.. hehe.. =)

and yes ali.. when will we be meeting?? hahha.. =)

2006-04-27T19:58:00.000+08:00

and natalie's rambling continues...

have you ever wondered if you can fully forget someone?? that someone can be a friend. a best friend. or a past lover. or maybe a close relative.

everyone has their own good times and bad. for the good times, we will tend to feel nostalgic. for the bad, we tend to resort to feeling seeming kind of hatred, anger, fear and many people will tend to avoid.

yes.. physical distance is one thing. but what about the emotional and mental distance? can one fully say to another person that he or she does not have a lingering feeling for that person. could be a close relative that passed away. could be a friend that has moved overseas. or more commonly a break up. what about.. do you still feel alot for that particular thing that is missing in your life? if one were to be engaged with that sth again.. like be in touch. can you safely say that nothing will develop. things happen. nothing is impossible.

well, personally, i have learnt to become so numb about such things. like, life is too short to make yourself feel so miserable. and yes. everything is temporary. make the best out of it and treasure everything you have around you. never take them for granted. that's the reason why i act the way i do sometimes.. people may say that i am heartless. or insensitive. but i wouldn't say i don't feel for the matter. but rather. numb. whether or not this feeling develops. i am still numb. skeptical. cynical. basically, prepared for the worst. haha. and yes. it is human nature to protect oneself first before anything else. and to a certain extent. i believe that that is very impt in today's society. protect your own feelings and well being. because, if you are not happy, life is definitely meaningless. it will be filled with worry, fear. which are considered as sins.

i really don't know why i am writing whatever i am writing. but this is sth that i have been thinking about of late. *wonders* haha.. think this is really keeping me occupied man. like drowning myself in such thoughts. ahhh.. okie. think i shall just end it here.

2006-04-27T16:33:00.000+08:00

mahjong session with my granny and mum was fun.. haha... had a pretty hard time playing with these pros.. but yeah.. managed to win a few rounds without their help!

oh well.. zinc!!! hurry up finish your exams!!! haha.. then we can go exercise and accomplish our goal!! whaha.. eh eh eh!! can also help ya plan your 21st bdae party!! let me know if ya wanna move the fridge over k?

yup.. watching west side story with chris tmr.. haha.. =) can't decide what to wear.. bleahz.. =)

2006-04-26T21:39:00.000+08:00

Mmmm mmm yeah
Do do do do do do do-do
Ohh Yeah

Gotta change my answering machine
Now that I'm alone
Cuz right now it says that we
Can't come to the phone
And I know it makes no sense
Cuz you walked out the door
But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore
(it's ridiculous)
It's been months
And for some reason I just
(can't get over us)
And I'm stronger then this
(enough is enough)
No more walkin round
With my head down
I'm so over being blue
Cryin over you

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calender I have
That's marked July 15th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be

That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)
Leave me alone
(Stupid love songs)
Dont make me think about her smile
Or having my first child
Let it go
Turning off the radio

Cuz I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

Said I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishin you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
Why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)
Why can't I turn off the radio?

2006-04-26T17:30:00.000+08:00

exams are over.. hahha.. =) but it ain't enjoyable.. can't enjoy it with so many of my friends.. many of them still have exams till next thurs.. bleah.. persevere k guys.. =)

made colin pissed over some comment i made... but i hope it aint the comment i am thinking about.. cause i was talking to someone else when i was on the line with you. hope that you'll cheer up.. push on for the rest of ur papers k.. fight hard.. sorrie if i made ya pissed.

well well.. so many things happened... hmm.. lets see... my roomie has moved out.. =( so sad.. thinking about the times i didnt spend with her.. and the times i could have spent with her.. and the times that she was there to counsel me.. or having casual girl talks we used to have is making me feel really nostalgic.. starting to miss her presence in this room. she would always be cheering me up with her melodious singing.. haha.. her casual whining about school.. waking me up every single morning for my classes.. whaha.. (shit.. nobody to wake me up already!!) educating me about the up to date chinese songs.. hey.. some songs are damn nice la! haha.. miss ya pei jie.. =) please keep in touch k...

with her moving out, it has made me realise how fast time flies. it was just a year ago.. when we went for hall foc camp.. haha.. coming back dirty and smelly.. we would always laugh and whine about the silly fun things we did in the day.. haha.. the cute guys.. whaha.. oh dear.. and list goes on.. also.. the exam periods.. looking at her study never fails to make me feel guilty man.. haha. we would always wake each other up from our naps.. making sure that we study.. haha.. counselling each other after every single crappy paper.. haha.. asking for advice.. blah blah.. =) man.. and guess what.. a year just flew past.. haiz.. honestly.. i feel that i took for granted that she will always be my roomie.. haha.. like how she would always be there waiting to talk to me in the room.. but now.. she is no longer here.. aiyoh.. i sound really emotional.. but seriously feeling damn sad.. haha.. nv thought that i would feel this way..

speaking about how time flies.. i read my friend's blog.. and something unfortunate happened to her.. haiz.. teared when i read what happened.. i really didnt know what to say.. went totally blank.. and it made me realise how temporal life is.. that one can just leave the world at any point in time.. like a calling or some sort.. haiz.. like how i have so many dear friends so close to my heart.. that i have neglected after coming to NTU.. people like chris.. the baba girls.. charmaine.. mervyn kor kor.. big bro andrew... the people who never failed to knock sense into me.. hehe.. if you realise .. have been blogging alot about friends of late.. i really feel that it is super duper impt.. and i really feel guilty for not spending time with them... haiz.. but you guys still never fail to remember to keep in touch with me.. and i thank you all for your patience.. =)

but i guess.. after much reflection.. really treasure the people around you.. your friends.. ur family.. your enemies.. aiyoh.. all sorts lah.. your homework.. hahha.. =) okie crappy.. but really.. relationships are realy impt..

oh well. think i have said much already.. this is a photo of me and pj!! haha.. me roomie and her parents.. my dearest jiao lians.. =)

2006-04-23T06:24:00.000+08:00

it's like 6.42am on a sunday morning.. and studying for my last paper is more torturous than i anticipated... hahha.. not that the paper is difficult to study for.. but rather i am starting to get into the holiday mood!! ahhh!! hahha.. help me! hahha..

oh yeah.. my last paper is IT.. so you can imagine how dry and uninteresting is it for an IT-unsavvy person like myself. haha. =) but as i mentioned before.. it is ironically my best subject for this sem... bleah.. okie.. i have to get down to studying man..

oh oh oh!!! i have to share with you guys.. when i went out with colin after my biz law paper on fridae, we went to check out this pet shop.. and guess what.. the shop was selling 2 pups shetland crossed with jap spitz.. really pretty.. wat an opportunity to get them both.. so so cheap.. $1200 for 2.. ahh.. hahah.. apparently it's this cheap because they are cross breeds. haha.. but one of them reminds me so much of khimji..the colour of his fur.. bah.. im going to check out the pups again with my mummy!! hehe.. hopefully she will buy them man.. miss khimji so so much.. and more so.. miss a goood companion at home as well.. haha.. with 2 pups.. can you imagine how vibrant the house will be! =) look a photo... hehe.. this is one not the khimji look-alike.. haha.. didn't take a pic with it..

2006-04-22T13:24:00.000+08:00

the past...

hmm.. many good and bad things happen in the past..

but we always tend to be more focused on the bad rather than the good.. maybe it is inherent in every human being to have such a mindset.. to always think about the negative instead of the positive.. why is this so? some may say.. its due to the fear of being hurt again.. the fact that we haven't gotten over someone that was so significant in our lives.. or maybe.. it could be a genetic inclination inherent in the different genders.. as to how they handle the problem..

why am i talking about this?

well.. okie.. i have been reading a person's blog throughout last night.. due to my frustration about sth the individual commented.. i shan't say who that is.. but the more i read the person's blog.. the more i realise that maybe the person hasn't really gotten over his/her past. the lingering memories still haunts the person. why is that so? well.. as much as i would like to call it escapism.. but i highly doubt it.. the feelin i am getting is.. his/her feelings are still strong for the memory.. and what this person did to hurt another individual was a reckless and impulsive decision. and now the person is sorry about it.

well. okie. granted. come on.. i have offended many individuals in my life. and hell yeah i feel bad about talking bad.. or gossiping about the person. so obviously.. this person is probably facing the same thing. the fact that this person keeps reflecting about a particular incident that has haunted him/her throughout this period.. says something.

hmm.. maybe i am thinking too much.. but maybe i am just conforming to the common mental model of thinking of the worst possible outcome.. to prepare myself mentally.. of the fear of sth that happened to me in the past as well..

but the good things are keeping me mentally strong.. such as my boundless circle of friendship that has kept me mentally strong through their endless support.. to those people aka chris, andy, zinc, laona.. i salute you. thank you for always being there.. to support.. to cheer me up.. to help me think straight. also.. vin sun ali for always utting a smile on my face.. and keeping the happy go lucky hui intact.. baba sisters rock! =) thanks colin.. for the care and support throughout this exams. when i broke down u were there sacrificing ur revision time. thank you.

new look.. new start

2006-04-22T01:34:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey!!

was talking to vin just now. haha.. and she commented that she wanted a tag board.. haha...whilst finding the tag board kinda reforamtted the whole layout. haha.. cool!! first time doing it.. hehe..

anyway.. biz law paper over.. 4 down.. one more to go..

vin sun christabel!! all the best k? you guys can definitely do it.. hehe =)

to all the engine people that are still struggling in the midst of their exams.. half way through already.. push on!! don't lose the momentum..

to all the CS people! haha.. enjoy yourselves haha..

me and my new shoe!!!

2006-04-20T05:11:00.000+08:00

haha.. i just exchanged belated birthdae presents with andy todae!! wah thanks man andy! haha.. damn nice lah.. well definitely cheered me up a whole lot esp after sitting for so many crappy papers!! heh.. thanks again! hope ya like your present!!.. haha..

here's a pic of the shoe! haha.. damn cool lah! haha.. papillio! ;)

ahhh... haha.. leaving it to faith

2006-04-18T15:51:00.000+08:00

well well.. haha.. just took my econs paper this morning.. after a sleepless stressed out night.. haha.. i am so glad it is over.. haiz.. i may not have done well.. but i know it was my bad.. like did last minute revision.. and it was horrible.. never ever going to do that again...

but i must thank colin.. for guiding me and helping me through these stressed out moments of my life... u sacrificed your revision time just to make sure i was okie with the module.. and all.. thanks man...

thanks to ed and chris for your prayers and well wishes.. =) hahha.. and your constant reminders to advise me to sleep.. haha.. =)

well well!! after hearing the bad news.. let's share some good news with ya. hhaha.. you know! at the beginning of this semester.. i was rather skeptical about my IT module.. thinking that i won't do well.. haha.. but on the contrary it is by far ( besides my marketing module) my best module for this sem.. haha!! just got back my project marks and all.. haha.. my 50% course averaged to 80.45%! i mean like.. that IS good news.. haha..

well well... after much self reflection.. i guess maybe banking and finance isn't a course for me.. like yeah.. that's where all the money is coming from.. but if ya lack the interest and passion for it.. really your life would be miserable.. have come to a conclusion... i'm leaving it to faith.. maybe things will turn out better than expected.. like i'd do better in a different specialization hmmmm.. never thought myself to be a calculation person.. more of a crappy person.. hahha.. marketing is definitely a consideration.. haha.. IT?? haha.. maybe that is another.. but whatever it is.. 'what will be, will be'

zinc!!! happy birthday!! hope ya kicked ass for your paper todae.. haha..

and to my favourite brother.. MERVYN!! haha... it has been a long while since you've called.. nice to hear from you again.. and to have my brother checking on me.. haha.. please tell andrew for me that i have not forgotten about him.. haha.. will catch up with the both of you really soon k!

Thinking of Rubbish....

2006-04-16T18:46:00.000+08:00

ahhh!.. so many things to do after the exams....

-go shopping with colin.. ade.. zinc.. chris..
-exercise exercise......
-hang out with many many people!
-evening with friends, anyone?
-spend time with my family.....
-get a new puppy?? hahha

rubbishy thoughts....

what happened to my optimism?

2006-04-16T00:51:00.000+08:00

those of you who know me pretty well.. you will know that i am a super duper optimistic person even though when times are bad.. bleah.. but i seriously dont know what going on with my mindset..

well okie i admit.. i aint prepared for econs at all... haiz. but before the exams started.. i was damn optimistic and thought i could do it..

but now.. haha.. i dont know whether its due to stress.. i feel like giving up.. haiz.. cause i dont wanna waste a good grade.. but then again.. after talking to chris and colin.. they made me look more towards the positive side.. so i aint going to disappoint you guys.. i AM going to push on.. bleahz....

okie.. just before i forget!!

zinc!! wanna wish ya a happy advanced birthdae! =) even though its during the exams.. promise you we will go ou and have some girly fun after the exams k! =)

to jasmine and chris!! just wanna wish ya all the best for the upcoming driving test on wed.. hahha.. =) you guys can do it k!

to ade alex colin andy...... and all those taking your exams! push on! persevere! haha.. we can do it!

Finished!!!!

2006-04-10T21:30:00.000+08:00

hahah! its officially 6.30am now!! i have FINISHED my organizational behaviour module revision.. man... what a relief... haha.. okie.. one down 4 more to go.. keep it up hui!

to all those people burning mid night oil!! keep the engine rolling k.. we WILL kick ass!

Through It All

2006-04-10T18:49:00.000+08:00

" You are forever in my life.. you see me through the seasons... cover me with your hands and lead me in your righteousness... and i look to you.. and i wait on you.."

This song never fails to cheer me up whenever i am down or when circumstances seem so overwhelming.. now.. as i study for my exams.. so many other factors are bothering me.. my uncle's condition.. a recent friend's dispute... mum's sad and demotivated expressions...

but through all these seemingly negative circumstances.. i still believe that everything will turn out for the better.. everything happens for a reason.. sometimes take it as if its a test... a test of your perseverance.. your faith in something more than life.. and moreover.. the believe in yourself that you can handle and pull through and become a better and stronger person..

to those studying for your exams.. i pray for you to hold yourself together and push yourself beyond your limits and kick some examiner's ass... haha..

to all those that are having any problems in life.. remember that problems are meant to make u a stronger person.. there are not there to put you down.. seek help and motivation from your family and friends.. for that's the gift that has been bestowed to each and everyone of us.. treasure them..

haha.. as for an update.. i am pretty happy with myself.. almost done with my revision for ONE subject.. hahah.. have like ermmmm... let's seee.... one major one that i have left untouched.. and 3 other modules that i think i can manage.. hahaha.. the nightmare week has just begun... haha.. pray hard for me!!! heheh.. ;)

missing my uncles!

2006-04-08T20:56:00.000+08:00

my house is currently drowned in this silence that i am definately not used to... my parents went back to malaysia to visit my granny.. my uncles from nz and msia have all gone back.. and my house is just left with me.. granny and mary.. doink.. haha..

have been in a mad rush trying to keep up with my syllabus.. my exam is on thursday.. and i havent finished studying! and the following week.. is terrorizing me already.. haha.. 3 papers in a week.. malay econs and biz law.. arghh... but as many have said.. one step at a time.. haha.. sacrifice all the sleep now and hibernate later.. haha..

oh well.. wish me all the luck as i struggle my way through this semester's exams..

....thoughts...

2006-04-04T01:41:00.000+08:00

its like close to 2 am in the morning.. haha.. still studying for my IT quiz.. gotta do well man.. only scored a mediocre of 75% the last time.. arghh..one big problem of mine.. carelessness..

carelessness... haiz.. one thing that i have done ever since i came into NTU.. i carelessly neglected the friends that were closest to me from Pri.. Sec.. JC... just recently caught up with a few friends.. and of course.. besties that i have always been in contact with like charmaine.. alicia.. vinitha.. haha.. when u think bad about the times we shared.. the blood sweat and tears that we have shared.. those were the most enjoyable times.. still remember how we would gossip non stop about the teachers in school.. or even hang out with them..

not saying that i dont have good friends in NTU.. ntu has enlightened me by making me see things from a different point of view.. like how everything is not as glamorous as it seems.. haha..

come on.. i have to admit.. the feeling of being in AC.. the prestige.. i mean.. i was proud to be an ACSian.. and will continue to be proud.. the school spirit there is one that i will never forget.. everyone was united.. all proud to follow the famous motto " The Best is Yet to Be".. which is always true.. and it never fails to motivate me whenever i am down.. still remember the pain the council had to go through.. haha.. we were the smallest council.. and we did a FANTASTIC job.. still remember the greatest senior on earth.. the senior that never left ac.. ALEX LEE.. haha.. always putting a smile on everyone's face.. helping people out.. but.. that is one that i carelessly neglected too.. i guess.. to those that are closer to me.. i did that to avoid.. too afraid to face individuals about terrible things that happened in the past.. but i guess.. i have learnt to let go of that fear.. or stigma.. =) which is great! haha.. and i recently heard that alex and colin have given up trying to contact me.. haha.. eh! please don't "draw the lin".. extremely busy.. haha.. will make up for it during the hols k.. got a 3 months break.. along the way in AC.. i have gotten closer to a few other individuals.. like edward.. the people of 2aa1.. ade.. CHRIS!! haha.. esp christable christine vin sun alicia..

of course.. i will not forget the school spirit in stc.. =) miss those times.. where we fought hard and played hard together as a team.. that was reall sth.. hahha.. people like clara.. charmaine.. you guys are the best.. =) always been there for me even till this day.. haha.. but clara! do sth to meet up!!! haha.. miss ya like crazy girl.. =) still remember people like leslie.. man.. haha.. he was really sth.. never fails to remind me of "coach carter" haha.. besides the passion for the game.. one must still persevere to get good grades.. haha.. still remember how he thought me to study.. and guess what! haha.. he is going to be a daddy!! haha.. and who can forget.. all the st pats and sji era.. hahaha.. and acsi.. hahha.. man.. how we used to fight to get to go for games day.. or june camp.. hahha.. those were fun man.. and come to think of it its pretty silly.. haha.. but met people like justin.. people like mervyn!! andrew!!! (my brothers for life!!) hehe.. jie hua.. raph.. jw.. man.. u guys are great.. haha.. jie hua for always inviting me for outings.. hahha.. man.. i feel terrible lah!! keep rejecting u becos of sch work.. haha.. doink.. okie.. holidays go play tennis with u k! haha..

i guess. that's why i feel so empty at times.. i miss all these times.. my friends.. the people who shared so many good times and bad .. man..

ntu has been great as well! with people like karkiat and jeff who are my permanent proj group mates for the past 2 semesters.. lets pray we get into the same stream k.. then can be partners again.. haha... 'laona' and zinc.. who has never failed to be there.. zinc is the sweetest thingy on earth.. laona u are one lucky guy to have her.. treasure her and be good to her.. or else.. whahhaa.. kevin weiming.. haha. my good brothers from garnet .. prom nominees in hall.. haha.. wah honoured man.. haha.. got 2 suai ge ge.. haha.. and who can forget ... ANDY!!! haha.. he is one individual that never fails to listen to all my crap.. whining about jcrc work.. talking some sense into me.. the shoulder to cry on.. haha.. u are great man.. dont flirt too much! concentrate on ur studies!! whahha.. ;) just kidding.. hehe.. and also to colin.. always helping me out in driving my biz mag stuff.. for being my listening ear.. whaha.. nagging!! ahaha.

aiyoh.. ive written so much... but my point is.. u guys mean alot to me.. everyone of you.. and if i have neglected you in one way or another.. i really apologize.. i just want everyone of you.. that i still remember you guys.. haha.. dont give up trying to contact me k!! off and on please ask me out also! haha.. okie.. gonna continue to study.. =) feel much better wrting this out.. =)

hope!!!

2006-04-02T18:05:00.000+08:00

my uncle's tests results are back!!!

guess what?? good news! there is hope for him.. =) am so happy when i heard the news! just that he has to go through a risky operation.. but what the hack.. it is good news! at least there is another route he can take! my family's prayers were answered! man... really really really good feeling.......

been trying to study.. and managed to complete a few chapters.. man.. studying is tough.. and it is even tougher when i have all the people closest to me on earth (that i rarely get to meet up with) in my house.. haha.. having a great time talking to them... orientating myself to diff career prospects.. blah blah..

its been a long long time since my mum had a family reunion.. u can see her happiness and joy ,through her smile and eyes, seeing all her brothers together and catching up.. seeing so much team spirit in taking turns to look after my uncle.. man.. family is super important guys.. they are the people who will stick with you through thick and thin..

my uncles are heading back on friday.. so sad.. must treasure everytime i have now with them.. =)

study hard!!!

Gotta control my emotions!!!

2006-03-31T16:52:00.000+08:00

whaha.. my goodness.. think i am really stressed or sth.. a lil temperamental at this moment in time... bleahz..

nearly flared at a friend today due to a misconception.. bleahz.. oh dear.. like he just happened to mention what he was upset with me for in the past.. but then i took it a lil personally.. as i thought he meant that i wasnt doing enough for the project group.. haha.. managed to talk to colin about it.. cooled me down and managed to keep me sane.. haha

okie.. if i flare at anyone of you.. just remember.. it isnt intentional.. im just stressed and overly sensitive nowadays.. haha.. PMSing!!!! hahah.. okok.. gonna go for project work now.. signing off...

p/s: thanks colin.. for keeping me sane.. haha.. any is there anyone interested to go diving?? haha.. let me know.. haha..

Family

2006-03-29T16:46:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. have been going through alot of late..

with the impending examinations coming .. jcrc events have more or less been settled.. time really flies. haha.. can u imagine.. i have been in NTU for almost a year already.. whoa.. that's quick..

as such.. i mean.. i did some self reflection.. how much time do we actually spend with our families.. haiz.. i know i am guilty of not spending much time with mine.. and this only hit me when my dad did his operation in yr 2002 and it has hit me once again when my uncle may not have alot of time left due to his heart failure..

it seems to me.. its like a sign.. of some sort.. like whenever i am distancing myself from my family.. something happens.. haha.. maybe i am thinking too much.. but hey! things do happen for a reason some times! =)

but back to my point.. to me.. my family is the closest thing on earth.. esp my parents.. i am sure they are to most of you too.. they have never failed to give me the moral support in everything that i commit myself to.. to give me shelter and love that alot of individuals in diff parts of the world do not have.. i am blessed.. really blessed.. but what have i done for this past year?? haiz.. i think.. i can count the number of days i spent with my parents after spending so much time in hall..

well.. i think my point is.. don't neglect your parents.. after staying at home for a period of time during this examination period.. i have realised how much my parents dote on me... they really really pamper me.. sometimes they may seem like huge pests when they nag.. but really... treasure the times u have with your parents.. family members.. anybody.. cause u may never know when this relationship that u "take for granted" may just come to an end..

i dunno whether i make sense.. but i sure hope so. =)

i got a msg from one of my closer friends in AC haha.. *drum roll* Ian..!! haa.. havent heard from you in ages.. and its really great to hear from you man.. =) meet up after the exams k?? haha.. thanks for the support as well, ian.. u dont know how much this means.. =)

thanks to chris and the rest too.. we HAVE to meet up.. miss ya guys. =)

Re: STRESS!!

2006-03-15T14:11:00.000+08:00

hello!

haven't blogged for such a long long time.. hahh. okok.. time for updates

well, i guess most of you know.. haha.. i failed my driving test! =( haha.. cause i crossed the double white line.. immediate failure.. arghh.. hhaha.. sianz.. well, im pretty much over dat already i suppose.. gonna kick some ass for the next test! haha.. May 22nd man! =)

just came back from tioman not too long ago as well.. went with my hall peepz.. hehe.. it was cool! the food was great and all of us pretty much got really burnt from that trip.. hehe.. went for snorkelling blah blah.. leonard and colin enjoyed themselves to the fullest man.. haha. (reefers what..) but it was a good break away from all the stress of reality.. haha..

now.. exam are coming so so so so sooooon................... goodness.. the race is about to start and i havent started my engine.. goodness.. gotta start already k! we gotta push each other!! haha.. so many tests and project deadlines... how to study!? haha.. miracle i tell you.. but well gotta burn mid night oil and be hardworking le... no more slacking.. *day dreaming about the 3 months break* ehhe...

am busy preparing for exam supper and helping to co ordinate the souvenirs for tonight's appreciation night.. goodness gracious.. last stretch already gotta push on and end with a bang! haha...

alright.. i guess that's all for me then.. some photos from tioman to share with you! hehe.. cheerios!

2006-02-17T06:15:00.000+08:00

Yikes!!! Tomrrow is THE day.. haha.. gonna have my driving test tmr!! hope that i'll pass then i can drive around using mummy's car!!! =)

skipped tutorial todae.. arghh.. overslept whilst trying to complete my hw.. doink.. that should NEVER happen again man..

recess week is like next week. and i am already piled up with so many projects and assignments!! OB.. Biz Law... IT... you name it i have it.. haha.. what a break right? {Aim: Finish it by Thurs!!} haha.. fat hope i tell you.. but i am sure all of you probably have alot of projects too... so keep it up! we can do this! =)

gonna go tioman! haha.. gonna have loads of fun man! =) bunking in with sally sijia and cyndi.. ;)

till the next time!!!

vDaE!!

2006-02-15T12:42:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!! =)

haha.. well well. i enjoyed myself to the fullest this valenine's hehe.. colin MADE me an ice cream cake! =)ahhhh! was so shocked.. haha.. didn't know he knew how to make one. -faints-

really wanna thank Zinc again for making that whole box filled with handmade stuff.. ya must have taken alot of time to do that man sister.. thanks again!! =)

well, now that all the birthdae and vdae hypes are over.. haiz.. have to get back into reality man.. STUDYING! im like super duper behind schedule.. darn.. okok.. gotta buck up.. not much time left..

going to tioman on saturdae!!! hehe.. really excited man! hehe.. will update ya guys again! hehe..

birthdae memories!!

2006-02-12T00:13:00.000+08:00

hey hey!!

haha.. just celebrated 2of my birthdae parties.. haha..

one was with my ntu hall buddies & nbs foc buddies..

had loads of fun man.. haha.. played bluff.. haha,,, seriously cannot manke it man.. watch out ANDY n TAU WIN are DAMN GOOOOD liars.. hahah.. serious... =) had bbq cum steamboat.. haha.. too much food.. ahhah.. over ordered man.. hehe.. =) and i hope you guys enjoyed yourselves man.. hehe.. all the mahjong enthusiasts..! ahha.. had a good time with charmaine as well.. all the catching up.. all the best for your exams k girl!! need you to be my roomie next sem! =) just wanna shout out 2 big thank yous to laona and colin.. haha.. laona.. you have been great man.. helping me out with the preps and all.. and making sure people were comfortable.. *thumbs up* thanks man.. =) w/o you helping me with the clearing up (being a "tai tai") think i seriously cannot make it le.. haha.. also.. colin.. haha.. thanks for helping me to make things work out .. haha.. and for collaborating with my mum to get the ball rolling.. haha.. driving around blah blah.. thanks dear..

2nd party was with my ac classmates!! haha..

damn fun lah.. really miss those times we spent together literally EVERYDAY gossiping @ the canteen... group study.. seeing chris and ali argue.. seeing the twins chripy smile (that never fails to brighten up my day btw) hehe.. really miss those days.. and to see you guys get together to celebrate my bdae despite your busy schedules.. man.. really touched.. =) had good fun playing blackjack!! haha.. at least i won $0.10 haha..

birthdae pressies this year really cool man.. haha..

char gave me a super cool pouch.. beaded one.. thanks darling.. hehe.. =)

the village gave me a handmade personal message.. was really touched by it.. thanks so so much zinc.. ya're seriously the sweetest girl i've ever met.. haha.. and to the whole village for makeing the present man.. =)

thanks to andy, tau win and adam for the perfume!! haha.. damn nice scent lah! =)

to the level 5gang.. thanks for your ang bao... haha... gonna save the money man.. haha.. a bit broke le.. haha.. =)

to vin and sun.. thanks for the bag man.. its really really so me la! haha.. will defn use it in sch.. haha..

chris and ali thanks for the soap and perfume.. hehe.. i think this year im going to smell really nice man.. (or is it you guys think im smelly??) haha.. just kidding.. thanks so so much! =)

last but not least.. thanks to colin for doing up a fish tank for me.. =) really sweet of you to put in 2 of my fav fishes inside.. hehe.. =) thanks so so much.. i'll do my best to maintain it as well as you k? haha..

really feel blessed this year to have so many people celebrate my bdae.. =) thanks to all who have made this a memorable bdae for me.. =) have entered the era of the 20s already.. feeling old already.. haha.. =)

memories...

2006-01-25T18:12:00.000+08:00

hello once again!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DREW AND JO!!! =)

finally spoke to andrew and mervyn!! haha.. my brothers for life.. =) miss them loads.. good to hear from the 2 of them yesterdae.. gotta meet up soon k bros! =) miss ya singing!! haha..

recently had beach out, cheerleading and garang guni.. haha.. got a really bad burn from the beach out man.. but had loads of fun!! haha.. thanks for all the care and concern from colin, andy and laona man.. =) all the lotions.. hhaa.. im spoilt for choice.. i just hantam everything.. so got 3 types of cream on my shoulder.. haha..

cheerleading was so so fun!!! haha.. good music and all.. and the stuns were great! =) hall 12 did really well man.. u guys have done us proud once again.. please take care of ur injuries k?

garang guni was so so so so so so so tiring! haha.. think i got muscles now man.. carried so many things.. haha.. went to choa chu kang to ask ard for newspapers and all.. tough job.. haha..

been starting to run again.. haha.. gotta keep fit man.. feeling really bloated.. and the worst thing is cheena new yr is coming up!!! aiyo.. diez.. haha.. all the goodies.. pray that i don't put on too much! aha.. =) okok. signing off.. here are some photos from beach out and cheerleading!!!

p/s: colin! go see the doctor!

sUpPer hOp!!! 11-01-2006

2006-01-14T17:35:00.000+08:00

~yAwn~

2006-01-14T08:08:00.000+08:00

so many texts to read... man.. there's like.. IT.. Organizational Behaviour, BIZ LAW... and who can forget.. ECONS!! (nightmare!)seems like tmr were the exams man.. been mugging like crazy.. or rather..reading =) but gotta persevere man!

JCRC stuff starting to kick off already.. just had supper hop!!! it was great man.. the turn out was fantastic! great job christine and all social sub commers!! hehe.. we went to bedok for mee pok.. and i was honoured to seat on laona's table.. haha.. (of course with the help of colin.. ) we ordered so so much food lah! chicken wing.. some sort of rojak.. sting ray.. man.. haha.. then we went to geylang for dessert.. i had mangosteens with colin and laona.. haha.. had a semi "guys" talk.. haha! so fun! oh oh!.. and i saw some "chickens" as well!!! man man... i tell you.. i was so damn excited lah.. first time seeing one.. haha.. colin and laona gave me the "i think nat is weird today" look.. havent download the photos as yet.. will update ya guys with photos soon.... =)

chinese new yr party anyone? hehehe..

RUGBY 2006!

2006-01-11T17:42:00.000+08:00

To all you rugby people.. You guys fought hard and well.. =) u guys worked as a team.. and fought as one.. though we didn't win this year.. but your fighting spirit has won our hall's heart and respect! well done and hope that this spirit will be passed on to the next team..

p/s: well done dearie.. u led the team well..

NZ Holiday!!!!

2006-01-11T00:33:00.000+08:00

hey hey!! here are some glimpse of my recent NZ trip in dec.. heheh. =)

it's been ages!!

2006-01-11T00:10:00.000+08:00

Hey there!

Thanks Ade! for making me motivated to update my blog.. haha..

met ade, jas, toooossshhhi (who left way tooo early) and chris.. had a great great time.. its been like ages since i've last seen them. =) good to catch up.. and yes ade.. good girly talk. =)

life has been a roller coaster every since i entered NTU.. involved in the JCRC (which acts like the ex-co of the hall com).. academic schedule has nevertheless been really tiring as well.. ' I will SURVIVE!!!' haha.. made loads of new friends in NTU.. went through Business FOC and Hall FOC.. good "dirty" fun.. haha.. we were not spared from all the flour and mud.. (argh!) >_<

have been totally isolated from all of you guys ever since i came in to NTU.. so sorry man.. hehe.. will try my very best to meet up!!! gonna have a 3 month break soon!!! (4months time) haha.. let's go tennis or sth together k? =)

okie.. will be signing off now.. hehe.. update ya asap! hehe.. =)

Cherished Friends

2005-01-15T18:54:00.000+08:00

God must have known there would be times
We'd need a word of cheer
Someone to praise a triumph
Or brush away a tear.
He must have known we'd need to share
The joy of "little things"
In order to appreciate
The happiness life brings.
I think he knew our troubled hearts
Would sometimes throb with pain
At trials and misfortunes
Or some goals we can't attain.
He knew we'd need the comfort
Of an understanding heart
To give us strength and courage
To make a fresh, new start.
He knew we'd need companionship
Unselfish...lasting...true,
And so God answered the heart's great need
With CHERISHED FRIENDS....like you..

B.J. Morbitz

sometimes.. it is painful thought to think of what would become of the good friends that you have now in maybe 20years time. would they still be there to be your wing man?? or would we be worlds apart?? would we forget one another in time to come?? if that's the case, whats the meaning of friends forever then? how would you know.. if the person next to you genuinely treasures you as a friend.. yes, they may use words to tell you that they wanna keep the friendship.. but their actions speak otherwise.. how can we learn to keep our friendship with the people around us? i think its all about communication.. interaction.. so try hard to keep your friendship with the people ard you ..

signing off

Moving on with life..

2005-01-14T01:42:00.000+08:00

we just finished the ACS International Orientation camp not too long ago. hehe.. it was really fun.. well.. at least it helped me keep myself occupied and keep me from thinking about other depressing stuff.. =)

well, was reflecting about how my year went in 2004... it was quite an emotional one for me. many ups and downs.. but one thing for sure.. what 2004 has helped me in is my relationship with God.. i guess. with so many things happening.. despite all the depressing moments.. God has never failed to be there for me.. i guess.. the lesson i learnt in 2004 is.. to always trust the Lord. i admit.. i tried to gain control over my relationship with certain people hoping that things can work out.. it has definitely affected my self confidence.. and my spritual well being in a negative way. i guess.. i tried to go against His will.. or maybe.. rushed into stuff that maybe i was even ready for.. or maybe it just wasn't the right time. and as for my new year's resolution.. i believe that would be to trust the Lord more and to always keep in mind that everything is planned. =)

Love....

ever wondered how one falls in love before? well, i have. haha.. some people fall in love.. because they find each other cute... others spend more time with one another and feel as though the other party compliments you.. others.. just simply pretend to fall in love with the other person because the other person can satisfy your needs.. some.. hha.. which is the super cliche one is the classic case of love at first sight...

so what is the true meaning of love or falling in love?

i still stand by my conviction that love is sth self sacrificial.. sth hopeful and sth thats filled with joy.. some may say im idealistic.. but its not a crime to be slightly idealistic right?? God gave us all the same ability to love.. why is it that some people are just so cynical about the whole notion of love? i think we should all just allow this special gift from God to blossom. be it to your family or friends. there's no limit to what love can do to an individual.. love can lead to one's happiness.. it can help to bring sunshine into someone else's life.. it helps us develop a deeper friendship with the people ard.. and best of all.. by allowing us to develop love for one another.. it can help us to understand God's love for us better too.

personally.. i treat love as a gift from God.. something that is sacred and precious. its sth that can be torn apart easily.. but also sth that can grow as well.. to all my brothers and sisters in Christ.. learn to use this gift wisely.. no matter how much pain sometimes love can bring to an individual.. always remember that it is a gift.. a precious gift from Him. and that we should honour Him by blessing other people with our love..

signing out for now...
-hui-

Dance production!!!

2004-09-19T14:59:00.000+08:00

hello!!
haha.. well.. today has been pretty tiring.. went for consultation from 9-4pm haha.. okie.. i know it sounds crazy.. haha.. yeah.. but i had fun.. together with toshi.. melvin.. waiyin.. see min.. haha.. and of course MR LYNN!! haha.. well. stressed lahz.. didnt do too well for my exams.. haiz.. haha.. gotta buck up manz!!! we can do it!!! =) went out with my half sister jas!!! haha.. had a good talk with her lahz.. very pleasant evening.. slved alot of things.. miss spending time with her manz. =) oh wellz.. haha.. im so excited for prom!!! ah!!.. jas and i cant stop talking about it.. oh wellz.. =) gotta aim to lose weight.. and look good that night.. =) hehe.. okok.. *ambitious* haha. going to study with jas, ed and toshi tmr!!!! yay! haha.. may be playing tennis too!!! hehe. exciting.. haha.. alright.. going to sleep nowz.. haha.. =)

God Bless!!!!! signing out....

2004-09-19T14:54:00.000+08:00

Love Will Keep Us Alive

I was standing All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide

Lost and lonely
Now you've given me the will to survive
When we're hungry...love will keep us alive

Don't you worry
Sometimes you've just gotta let it ride
The world is changing
Right before your eyes
Now I've found you
There's no more emptiness inside
When we're hungry...love will keep us alive

I would die for you
Climb the highest mountain
Baby, there's nothing I wouldn't do

I was standing
All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide
Lost and lonely
Now you've given me the will to survive
When we're hungry...love will keep us alive
When we're hungry...love will keep us alive
When we're hungry...love will keep us alive

Regret??? Void????

2004-09-16T12:16:00.000+08:00

hello again...

haiz.. well, once again... feeling that sense of void and pain.. aiyoh.. dont know why lahz.. i mean.. okie.. well, i kinda told someone abou my decision about things.. and... i dunno.. its sth pretty tragic.. and i dunno.. haiz.. feeling really miserable.. but i guess it was for the better? im not sure.. but i hope i wouldnt regret it.. need my life back.. i mean.. my former carefree self.. i just feel so uptight about a certain issue.. and i kinda "left" it unattended.. or on hold for sometime.. hoping to get over the matter... haiz.. i dunno.. it hurts.. but no pain no gain right?? maybe that certain sth may turn out to be really beautiful in the end.. like how all things are made beautiful in His time.. haha.. trying to cheer myself up.. so sorry about my crankiness.. but really?? do things ever reconciile???? or will they just merely be left alone in their solitary worlds? i certainly hope the latter will not happen.. but i guess.. everything IS possible.. just need the right time thats all.. yep.. well, didnt study in school today.. thought i may need a break.. really feel cornered and stress about my relationship.. and my studies... but keep it up!! never give up!! =)

signing out...

2004-09-11T13:06:00.000+08:00

hello!!!!!

well todae was a really fun day!! heh.. well, went out with edward today.. it was really fun!! haha.. both of us were worried that we might bore each other.. but turns out that we actually had more fun!! =) haha.. well, in the morn.. i had a last min call from jas asking me to go for some council outing (didnt know the details.. so i assumed there wasnt one) oh wellz.. haha.. comtemplated a bit... and ed and i decided to go in the end. =) well.. i guess it wasnt too bad lahz.. ed had fun playing volley ball.. and i had fun walking along the beach with jas.. was afraid that ed would feel left out man!! =) but it went well. well, at least i think it did. haha. we watched the terminal after the outing.. haha! cool show.. though i thought the ending could be slightly more romantic.. haha. but oh well.. unexpected ending lahz.. had a blizzard today.. think its strawberry choc chip blizzard.. its heavenly!! =) haha.. oh wellz.. its a really cool dae lahz!! had alot of fun.. haha. gonna play badminton tmr.. and throwers outing too!! =) wow.. oh wellz.. better start my studying engine soon!! okie.. till tmr! =)

2004-09-10T01:51:00.000+08:00

went to christabel's house today!!! alicia was there too!!

haha! it was really fun!! =) we studied first lahz.. was pretty productive.. did lit and math today! =) and then.. we played all our fav childhood games!! hehe.. like twister.. speed.. haha.. all sorts.. we even talked about what we would do in the future.. haha.. like how we would meet up next time.. or even how often.. haiz.. its really sad to lose contacts with such good friends.. well, obviously!! shouldnt look on the down side of things right?? everything is possible!! haha.. so long as we make the effort manz.. haha! im sure the few of us would be friends for a long time!! (at least we better do!!) it was damn fun.. haha.. we are most probably going to bangkok after the a's lahz!! haha.. yay!! fun fun fun.. =) alrighty.. going to sleep now.. till then.. =)

reflection

2004-09-10T01:29:00.000+08:00

hello.. welll havent been writing much.. haha

as usual.. read the gospel again.. gospel of luke.. =) well, kinda made me realise.. that ive been busy picking on the faults made by others.. and overlooked my own..

i guess.. with so much happening.. and whatever that has happened.. haha.. its hard to concentrate on your own faults.. and less focus on God.. well, im guilty of that la.. haiz.. i dunno..
do you believe in signs? i dunno.. sometimes do you feel as though there is this pushing force within you that is telling you what to do..?? but something else is resisting it.. sth like.. the ood u vs the bad you.. haha.. am i making sense?? well, im feeling it now.. and i dunno... there is this side of me.. well, i suppose u can say the "usual" side of me.. telling me to not hold back sth that ive been dreading.. hmm.. sth personal lahz.. shant say it for now.. while.. there is this cynical side of me.. telling me that this thing is not worth it.. by reflecting on Gods words today.. i mean.. ive come to realise that as much as i have thought myself to be the "innocent" party... i cant say for sure that i dont have any faults.. nobody is perfect.. thats a definite.. and i think we should all learn to accept our own faults first before criticising other ppl.. that way.. we can lead a more humble lifestyle.. =)

Being Judgemental

2004-09-04T23:19:00.000+08:00

We are judgmental when we make conclusions based on superficial evidences of what we see and hear. The more we dislike or are angry with someone, the more likely we will be judgmental. Suspend your rash judgments and be more Christ-like.

haha.. father philip's advice is always the best! =) always making my thoughts clearer than they ever were before. haiz.. its so fundamental.. and yet.. so powerful.. as mentioned in my previous entries... i have been filled with hate.. and anger.. and i must say.. it was really overwhelming.. so much so.. cried in school yesterdae.. but my friends ( always so supportive and caring..) talked me out of it.. i must learn how to forgive and forget.. that's what fr philip said. he also reminded me that God is always around and that nothing is impossible (in this case, forgiveness) .. these help to reasssure me that i can do all things.. even if they seem impossible right now.. haiz.. right now.. need to spend more time with God.. and forget about all these things that are happening.. need to dwell in his midst and feel His presence once more.. and live life the way he wants me to..

conclusion: be less judgemental.. cause it is not for us to judge.. that's for God to decide.

2004-09-04T11:58:00.000+08:00

At first I was afraid.
I was petrified.
I kept thinking
I could never live
Without you by my side.
But then I spent so many nights
Just thinking how you'd done me wrong.
I grew strong.
I learned how to get along.
And so you're back from outer space.
I just walked in to find you here
Without that look upon your face.
I should have changed my lock.
I would have made you leave your key
If I'd have known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me.

Oh now go.
Walk out the door.
Just turn around now.
You're not welcome anymore.
Weren't you the one
Who tried to break me with desire?
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh not I.

I will survive.
As long as I know how to love
I know I'll be alive.
I've got all my life to live.
I've got all my love to give.
I will survive.
I will survive.

It took all the strength I had
Just not to fall apart.
I'm trying hard to mend
The pieces of my broken heart.
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself.
I used to cry.
But now I hold my head up high.
And you'll see me with somebody new.
I'm not that stupid little person
Still in love with you.
And so you thought you'd just drop by,
And you expect me to be free.
But now I'm saving all my lovin'
For someone who's lovin' me.

Oh now go.
Walk out the door.
Just turn around now.
You're not welcome anymore.
Weren't you the one
Who tried to break me with desire?
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh not I.
I will survive.

As long as I know how to love
I know I'll be alive.
I've got all my life to live.
I've got all my love to give.
I will survive.
I will survive.

got this song stuck in my head when i heard dahne from spore idol sing it.. haha damn nice lahz!

Faith and Failures

2004-09-03T11:08:00.000+08:00

"Failures" are often temporary set-backs and should be viewed as positive experiences of growth in maturity. We should persevere with the assurance that our real strength and hope comes from God who cares for us in all situations.

If i aint got you

2004-09-03T10:42:00.000+08:00

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's withinI've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people search for a fountain
Promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them
And in a world on a silver platter
And wondering what it means
No one to share, no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

If I ain't got you with me baby
Nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby

.... this song.. i dunno.. although its a bit sappy.. but still.. it is something i can relate to la i suppose.. haiz.. but i dunno.. gotta knock out of it.. its a beautiful song.. so filled with meaning... some people might think its stupid.. but is it really that stupid to like someone that much?? some people may not know this idea loving somebody.. so much so.. that this person is someone u treasure and nothing else matters.. some people might think its idealistic.. majority will think its stupid.. but i dont think so.. well, let's just say that.. losing someone you gave so much to.. hurts.. and hurts even more when you think you're starting to hate this person for having to leave you in a shit hole.. but i guess thats life.. haiz... i dunno.. hating somebody is just not me.. and it hurts more when im hating the very person whom i really wanna treasure. haiz.. is that the only way to get over the matter?? i hope not.. but maybe it is...

2004-09-02T19:26:00.000+08:00

hey!
hope you don't mind me posting here!
but haha i always do this
it's like a tradition i follow
whenever i do a person's template.
anyway

hey sis! (:
haven't seen you in a while!
i know alot's been happening.
and really sympathise with you.
but you're NEVER alone yes?
cos i'm here for you always!
that's what sisters are for after all! (:

and whenever you need another new template
call my name and i'll come running! -sings.
haha
so yeah.
when ur sick of this template
just tell me
for i will change it for the better!
lalala
i love making them! (:
so fun and nice to make! hehe!
ok
i shall go have dinner now.
blog here always ok?
love you lots nat!
-hugs.
/ sammy

Lord Reign in me

2004-08-31T05:23:00.000+08:00

Over all the earth, You reign on high..
Every mountain stream every sunset sky..
But my one request, Lord my only aim...
Is that you reign in me again..

Lord reign in me,
Reign in your power,
over all my dreams in my darkest hour,
You are the Lord of all i am..
So won't you reign in me again..

Over every thought over every word,
may my life reflect the beauty of the Lord
cause you mean more than any earthly thing..
so wont you reign in me again.

Mission

2004-08-31T05:00:00.000+08:00

Jesus was very clear about His Mission of saving the whole human race. Are you clear about how God wants you to fufil your mission for Him while you live in this world? How do you draw people closer to God daily? Trust in God. Let Him lead you. Have the courage and selflessness to serve and love others because God wants this of you.

In Luke 4:16-22a, Jesus' words seem to remind us that we can do nothing without God. " The spirit of the lord is on me.. ".. shows that we should always aim to gain strength from Him and to let Him lead us. Despite how difficult a situation we are in, we should always learn to pray from strength and always remember that He is always with us.

By studying the gospel today, and reflecting this on my life, i dunno.. i cant exactly say i have performed this act of "trust" for God for quite some time. I've always been controlling my own life.. always desiring to know that i am in charge and in control of my own life... and i probably did things that maybe God didn't plan for me to do.. but i forced it.. hmm.. you know what i mean?? well.. its complicating i suppose.. obviously, by not doing what God's plan for me.. i end up in a shit hole. and i turn to God for help.. man.. to think about it.. i neglected God. but the beauty is he never foresaken me. He was always there for me when i needed Him.. i feel really guilty about it.. but lesson learnt.. ( in a hard way ) though i am not emotionally stable as yet.. but slowly.. im trusting God once again.. that he has something greater and better for me.. for He loves me.. and wouldn't let anything happen to me.. even if its an obstacle.. its to make me stronger. but everything i do on earth is to glorify His name.. and most importantly.. to please Him. =) It doesnt matter if something doesnt please another person on earth.. but just make sure that whatever you do on earth is in accordance to the commandments and in total obedience to God... That way, i think we can learn to live life to glorify His name better and to do perform His will.

conclusion: always learn to trust God...

Faith and Self-importance

2004-08-29T23:30:00.000+08:00

Too much "self-importance" is a distortion of reality. Regardless of how intelligent, gifted, popular etc we are, there will always be thousands who will be better than us. Comparisons often create envy that will distract us from living our lives for God.

This is what the priest taught in church today. It's really amazing how God relates His words into our lives. It helps us reflect on what we have done and how well we have carried out His will. I have a confession.. Well, i certainly have not been living God's will for a long time. Everything was always "I wanna do this.. I wanna do that..." never has it been in a long time " this is for Him..." i feel guilty about that.. and its a high time for me to change. i mean.. my life over this period of time has been revolving around jealousy and competition. it has caused me to feel frustrated and possibly irritated at myself for not being able to keep up.. and i forget that each and every one is made in a unique way with a different purpose in life. All in all.. i havent placed God in my life over this period.. it definitely feels horrible. my life has been filled with so much hate... vengeance.. and i dunno.. the list goes on.. i mean.. it really isnt me. the "old" me used to be so cheerful.. happy.. fun loving.. and always dedicating each and every minute of my life to God. It was wonderful.. absolutely wonderful.. but after awhile.. i failed to keep up with this "momentum".. and neglected God.... instead i tried to keep up with the demands in school.. friends.. etc.. well, one thing for sure that has made an impact in my life from today's gospel. and that is to start this "momentum" again.. and that you dont benefit from jealousy and hatred (which gives you only misery.. and low self esteem).. We should always aim to please God in whatever we do.. and not to please other people. For it is Him that we are here today.. and through every obstacle we face.. it draws us closer to him.

Miss Independent

2004-08-29T14:58:00.000+08:00

Miss Independent
Miss self sufficient
Miss keep your distance
Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don't let a mind interfere, no
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off the throne
So, by keeping her heart protected,
She'd never feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
said ooh.. i fell in love....

irritation

2004-08-28T13:46:00.000+08:00

arghh.. ive never felt so irritated before.. i cant stand the fact that i have to face the reality that he likes another girl.. maybe im still in love with him. maybe im not.. but if i aint got feelings for him.. why in the world do i feel the way i do right now? arghghhh.. i dont know. it just sucks having to feel the way i do right now.... he treats me like a friend and regards me as a good friend.. but seriously.. does he genuinely regard me as a good friend.. or is it just merely a title given to me to make me feel "desired" i dont even know whats the word for it.. whatever.. i know we have broken up and he can jolly well be dating someone else.. but can he be more sensitive.. ?? argh.. i dont know.. why do i even bother.. sometimes i ask myself.. is he worthy of my attention.. should i even regard him as my friend.. i mean.. he definitely doesnt need me.. he's coping well without me.. and he has a whole pool of good friends and is eager to make new friends. well, given his charisma and charm.. im sure he'll be able to accomplish that with no problem.. he is a nice guy and all.. but i dont know.. the bad memories are overwhelming the good ones... so should i even treat him like a friend? or should i just completely think he wasnt part of my life before.. for now.. i would choose the latter.. well, with the pool of friends he's got.. he doesnt need me.. and i shouldnt be obstructing his way right? hah! in time.. he wouldnt know that i exist.. he's probably starting to feel that way already.. who cares.. i am that insignificant.. and yeah... his likfe would probably be better without me.. be independent.. be strong.. and work my way up is my new resolution.. friends (old and new) are definitely worth the attention.. they have always been there for me when i needed them most..

forgiveness, love and kindness

2004-08-26T23:57:00.000+08:00

have you ever felt that sometimes.. its just so hard to forgive a person?? or wondered if you'll ever be able to forgive..? i just went for a seminar in church today.. and the speaker said.. if you are at odds with a person.. you are at odds with God.. wow.. i mean.. that really made me think.. i mean.. the saying loving your neighbours as you love God has never been so hard to do before.. haiz.. love.. is it temporal? maybe it is.. maybe its not.. some people are lucky.. and others.. well.. try again.. as ive always told myself.. as i am forgiven and so are my brothers and sisters.. i have no rights to hate them.. for God love them as much as He loves me.. this period has been hard.. really hard.. and spiritually i'm getting stronger each day.. but the pain and hollow space is still there... when will it heal? i wouldnt know..