Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Over all the earth, You reign on high..
Every mountain stream every sunset sky..
But my one request, Lord my only aim...
Is that you reign in me again..
Lord reign in me,
Reign in your power,
over all my dreams in my darkest hour,
You are the Lord of all i am..
So won't you reign in me again..
Over every thought over every word,
may my life reflect the beauty of the Lord
cause you mean more than any earthly thing..
so wont you reign in me again.
sUnsHiNe sMileZ ~nat~
Jesus was very clear about His Mission of saving the whole human race. Are you clear about how God wants you to fufil your mission for Him while you live in this world? How do you draw people closer to God daily? Trust in God. Let Him lead you. Have the courage and selflessness to serve and love others because God wants this of you.
In Luke 4:16-22a, Jesus' words seem to remind us that we can do nothing without God. " The spirit of the lord is on me.. ".. shows that we should always aim to gain strength from Him and to let Him lead us. Despite how difficult a situation we are in, we should always learn to pray from strength and always remember that He is always with us.
By studying the gospel today, and reflecting this on my life, i dunno.. i cant exactly say i have performed this act of "trust" for God for quite some time. I've always been controlling my own life.. always desiring to know that i am in charge and in control of my own life... and i probably did things that maybe God didn't plan for me to do.. but i forced it.. hmm.. you know what i mean?? well.. its complicating i suppose.. obviously, by not doing what God's plan for me.. i end up in a shit hole. and i turn to God for help.. man.. to think about it.. i neglected God. but the beauty is he never foresaken me. He was always there for me when i needed Him.. i feel really guilty about it.. but lesson learnt.. ( in a hard way ) though i am not emotionally stable as yet.. but slowly.. im trusting God once again.. that he has something greater and better for me.. for He loves me.. and wouldn't let anything happen to me.. even if its an obstacle.. its to make me stronger. but everything i do on earth is to glorify His name.. and most importantly.. to please Him. =) It doesnt matter if something doesnt please another person on earth.. but just make sure that whatever you do on earth is in accordance to the commandments and in total obedience to God... That way, i think we can learn to live life to glorify His name better and to do perform His will.
conclusion: always learn to trust God...
sUnsHiNe sMileZ ~nat~
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Too much "self-importance" is a distortion of reality. Regardless of how intelligent, gifted, popular etc we are, there will always be thousands who will be better than us. Comparisons often create envy that will distract us from living our lives for God.
This is what the priest taught in church today. It's really amazing how God relates His words into our lives. It helps us reflect on what we have done and how well we have carried out His will. I have a confession.. Well, i certainly have not been living God's will for a long time. Everything was always "I wanna do this.. I wanna do that..." never has it been in a long time " this is for Him..." i feel guilty about that.. and its a high time for me to change. i mean.. my life over this period of time has been revolving around jealousy and competition. it has caused me to feel frustrated and possibly irritated at myself for not being able to keep up.. and i forget that each and every one is made in a unique way with a different purpose in life. All in all.. i havent placed God in my life over this period.. it definitely feels horrible. my life has been filled with so much hate... vengeance.. and i dunno.. the list goes on.. i mean.. it really isnt me. the "old" me used to be so cheerful.. happy.. fun loving.. and always dedicating each and every minute of my life to God. It was wonderful.. absolutely wonderful.. but after awhile.. i failed to keep up with this "momentum".. and neglected God.... instead i tried to keep up with the demands in school.. friends.. etc.. well, one thing for sure that has made an impact in my life from today's gospel. and that is to start this "momentum" again.. and that you dont benefit from jealousy and hatred (which gives you only misery.. and low self esteem).. We should always aim to please God in whatever we do.. and not to please other people. For it is Him that we are here today.. and through every obstacle we face.. it draws us closer to him.
sUnsHiNe sMileZ ~nat~
Miss Independent
Miss self sufficient
Miss keep your distance
Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don't let a mind interfere, no
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off the throne
So, by keeping her heart protected,
She'd never feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
said ooh.. i fell in love....
sUnsHiNe sMileZ ~nat~
Saturday, August 28, 2004
arghh.. ive never felt so irritated before.. i cant stand the fact that i have to face the reality that he likes another girl.. maybe im still in love with him. maybe im not.. but if i aint got feelings for him.. why in the world do i feel the way i do right now? arghghhh.. i dont know. it just sucks having to feel the way i do right now.... he treats me like a friend and regards me as a good friend.. but seriously.. does he genuinely regard me as a good friend.. or is it just merely a title given to me to make me feel "desired" i dont even know whats the word for it.. whatever.. i know we have broken up and he can jolly well be dating someone else.. but can he be more sensitive.. ?? argh.. i dont know.. why do i even bother.. sometimes i ask myself.. is he worthy of my attention.. should i even regard him as my friend.. i mean.. he definitely doesnt need me.. he's coping well without me.. and he has a whole pool of good friends and is eager to make new friends. well, given his charisma and charm.. im sure he'll be able to accomplish that with no problem.. he is a nice guy and all.. but i dont know.. the bad memories are overwhelming the good ones... so should i even treat him like a friend? or should i just completely think he wasnt part of my life before.. for now.. i would choose the latter.. well, with the pool of friends he's got.. he doesnt need me.. and i shouldnt be obstructing his way right? hah! in time.. he wouldnt know that i exist.. he's probably starting to feel that way already.. who cares.. i am that insignificant.. and yeah... his likfe would probably be better without me.. be independent.. be strong.. and work my way up is my new resolution.. friends (old and new) are definitely worth the attention.. they have always been there for me when i needed them most..
sUnsHiNe sMileZ ~nat~
Thursday, August 26, 2004
have you ever felt that sometimes.. its just so hard to forgive a person?? or wondered if you'll ever be able to forgive..? i just went for a seminar in church today.. and the speaker said.. if you are at odds with a person.. you are at odds with God.. wow.. i mean.. that really made me think.. i mean.. the saying loving your neighbours as you love God has never been so hard to do before.. haiz.. love.. is it temporal? maybe it is.. maybe its not.. some people are lucky.. and others.. well.. try again.. as ive always told myself.. as i am forgiven and so are my brothers and sisters.. i have no rights to hate them.. for God love them as much as He loves me.. this period has been hard.. really hard.. and spiritually i'm getting stronger each day.. but the pain and hollow space is still there... when will it heal? i wouldnt know..
sUnsHiNe sMileZ ~nat~
